“I’m looking for a single, preferably attractive woman 18-35 for friendship romance and more. I am an fairly attractive guy, slender build with a bit of a beer belly and a slight hunch. I seek a companion who can cook meals and clean the apartment for me. You must be willing to accept that my job includes endless shifts and countless hours designing very important web banners and pop up windows. In return, I promise to provide a roof over your head and a hot meal in your belly and maybe more. Interested? Talk to me sexy. PLEASE NO GUYS!”

“God knows why in hell I’d put up a bio of myself on the web, but here it is anyway. Maybe I’ll just tell you a bit about myself to loosen up.

Actually, fuck that. I need a drink. Be right back.

Ok, now that I’m suitably smashed I’d like to tell you about my business. I run “The Psychic Cavern and Live Bait “, a place where you can get photocopies, cigarettes, fax your documents, possibly a bottle of the good stuff, scratch tickets, phone cards, useless dollar store trinkets and various dusty, stale candy products. I’m also a licensed “palmist”, read tea leaves, crystal balls and bones. Finally, we offer the traveling fisherman an array of flys, hooks and live bait.

Drop in anytime. Well, now that I think of it, you may have to take your chances as I’ll probably be across the street drinking (or vomiting in the restroom) at “My Three Beers“, my favorite drinking hole.

“I have lived with my parents all my life, but don’t hold that against me. It’s only until I save enough to get out on my own. Besides, I have full run of the basement, where I have an awesome network setup; ISP dropped an OC3 135Mbps fiber connection governed by a Cisco 7204 spewing data to all my machines with fibre gigabit connections and my very own Class G wirles hot spot! I’ve got three Quake servers, not to mention an X-Box hooked up to a Sony PFM-42X1 Plasma Screen. I’m usually on IRC channel #uberg33k if anyone wants to chat about tech stuff!

My favorite MMORPG is SWG. However, I’ll play any online game when I’m not working on one of my many side projects. I am a CGI / PHP guru and a signup page master.

My current system setup is AMD 64, dual core, 2 gig of RAM, GForce 7800 with a Soundblaster Audigy 2, 4 TB HD and a 20″ LCD with a top resolution of 1900 X 1200.”

“I started this company with nothing. I have to run it with an iron glove because internet employees have no idea about the nature of business. You have to keep an eye on them at all times. We now own and operate the most successful gambling, dating, celebrity, affiliate and over-the-counter pharmaceutical sites in the world!

If you are one of my employees reading this bio on company time, YOU’RE FIRED! “