I know all. I see all.
They call me “Headcast” and I predict things. Normally, I don’t fall for these trendy lists as I find them inane and pointless. This year, however, the visions were too strong to ignore and the predictions I have been seeing online are so ludicrous, so foolish, that I must intervene with my own list of major occurrences, so you, the average slob, is not caught off guard by internet charlatans. Here are my top four predictions for 2015. Mark my words – they will come to fruition – if not in 2015, then, one day in the future…
1. We will discover we are all robots.
Late next year, a post online will reveal that we’re not human as we once thought, but machines! Our flesh and bone bodies have been run by tiny nano-bots since the late 1960’s. All the remaining data from our lives will be uploaded to the internet and our heads will be severed and placed in jars. Electrodes will jack us into the network and we will continue our lives in a virtual simulation of our once burgeoning world.
2. The Internet will be completely free and open after all passwords are abolished.
Frustrated with hackers, security and privacy issues, the world will finally throw up their collective hands. All passwords will be abolished and all information will be free and open to whoever wants to access it. The good news is, since we won’t have bodies any longer, war and crime will only be perpetrated online in computer games.
3. Everyone will become a photographer, comic artist or writer.
All online content will be created by our robot selves after societies’ final move to “cyber-space”. All current markets for food, housing and the last of our meaningless possessions will dry up and disappear. Money will be become useless and anyone without internet access or computer know-how will be turned into a protein paste and fed to our disembodied heads for sustenance. A few of the remaining luddites will be converted into sub-robot caretakers, programmed only to serve and maintain what’s left of the earth. Everyone else will regress into a child-like creative state; drawing, painting, taking mental pictures and writing self-help e-books for entertainment.
4. All the food once thought to kill us will be good for us.
Considering we won’t have to worry about weight, heart disease or anything other than our latest creative endeavour, all items once thought to have life-giving properties will be just as good for you as wheat germ, protein shakes and ugh… chia seeds. Our brains will process all information in a dream like state, so we won’t actually be eating anything, just thinking we are. (With apologies to Woody Allen.)
Well, that’s all the time I have for now. I feel tired and must lie down. William and I (my trusty manservant and business partner) will be waiting for you in the new “cyber-utopia” and will make ourselves available for all your psychic needs, online, at psychiccavern.com. (Currently under construction). “Drop in” for a tarot reading or virtual tea leaves any time! Bye for now – have a happy holiday and fabulous new year.